Supernaturally Changed

I can remember the days when I begged God to change me. At times I cooperated with God to answer that prayer to change by doing what I believed I was supposed to do only to fall back into doing nothing except feeling miserable and crying out to God to change me. Every attempt at being different and trying to change failed. Even so, I kept trying and I kept doing and I kept praying for God to change me until the day came when the pain of not changing became too much to handle and I stopped. I stopped trying and settled for life the way it was and for me the way I was. Without realizing it, I tucked that pain away in a corner of my heart and for over a decade I never thought about it. Until two years ago.

Two years ago a situation forced me to resume my change efforts. I had something very important at stake in my life and I decided that I would do whatever it took to get through it. As a result, I pulled the pain out from the corner of my heart and added it to the pain I was experiencing and gave it all to God and told Him that even if I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life I was going to change. Looking back, I realize that for the first time in my life, I had the courage to make the effort to change instead of just wanting to be changed. I did what I was supposed to do and it was hard at first. So hard that sometimes I cried and asked God to find a different way. But there was no other way for me to change than to forgive those who had wronged me. There was no other way than begin to show love toward the one who had hurt me to so much. There was no other than to surrender my will to God's will and just do what He wanted me to do. There was no other way than to do it through Jesus' strength and not mine.

For two years I have been in the process of changing. I was willing to be changed my entire life but it was only when I worked the change process that something miraculous happened. For two years I have been so focused on being the woman God wants me to be that I was not aware of the change was taking place. It like fall colors. Some of are so focused on just living from day-to-day that we don’t notice the fall colors around us. Then one day, for whatever reason, we look up and see the beautiful fall colors and we realize it is fall. Fall colors that God has created and blessed us with. When this happens to me I am amazed about the fact that fall has been around me and I have not even noticed.

Today, I look at beautiful colors God has added to my life and I see that I have changed and I know the change is supernatural. It is supernatural because only God could change me like this. I'm still doing the same things I started doing two years ago. I forgive. I love. I am obedient. The supernatural change that has occurred is that I am now a forgiving, loving, and obedient person. I don't have to fight with my emotions anymore to be the person I want to be. I don't have to fight with my will anymore like I used to. I just do God’s will with faith and belief that He gives me the ability.

God changed me on the inside. And now changing and being changed is not something that I'm trying to do on the outside, it is a desire that comes from the inside. I work the change process and seek to change not because I am in pain and need to relieve my pain, although that is part of it. I work the change process and am obedient to change because I love my Heavenly Father and my Lord Jesus and I want more than anything to be like them.