Pain versus Suffering

Some friends and I were mutually encouraging each other this week. We are struggling with being full-time students and bemoaning the woes of reading textbooks, conducting online research, creating PowerPoint presentations, and writing papers. All of these friends are also a spouse, a parent, an employee, and serve in ministry at their church or in some other volunteer capacity in their communities. As we encouraged each other I thought of an idea I read in a book years ago.

The idea presented by the author was one of pain versus suffering. Pain is a fact of life. Regardless of how hard we try we cannot avoid the pain that is a part of life. Life just hurts sometimes. But suffering is something different. Suffering is what happens when we try to wrestle life to the ground and make it behave on our own terms. Suffering occurs when we do not let go of a pain and move on. I’ve been challenged today to look at areas in which I think I might be suffering and determine whether or not I am trying to make life behave on my terms.

What about you? Is what you are experiencing pain? Or is it suffering? Are you giving certain feelings and emotions power over you to such a degree that they keep you in a continual state of suffering? Maybe you are like my friends and I who are so frustrated with doing homework as we work on our college degrees that the thought of writing one more paper is enough to push us over the edge. Maybe you are a stay-at-home mom or dad and the thought of changing one more diaper, cleaning up one more spill, or dealing with the chaos makes you want to scream. Maybe you are an empty nester and this season of life with adult children leaves you with a feeling of melancholy you cannot seem to shake. Or maybe you are in a work environment where expectations are unrealistic and mercy is non-existent. You go home every night so stressed out and exhausted you do not have any energy to give to the rest of life. Maybe you are just trying to survive the current economic crisis. Have you lost a loved one through death or a divorce and the grief feels like a wrecking ball has made a home in your heart even though the event occurred some time ago?

It is possible to take steps to minimize and even eliminate our suffering. The first step is to determine how much of our suffering is caused by trying to hold onto things we cannot control. Take the time to experience whatever is going on. Do not deny it or ignore it. Let your emotions have their say and do not fight back against something that cannot change. Recognize the situation for what it is. But don’t stay sitting in your emotions. Move onto the second step: accept it. To accept it means you no longer fight against the situation or you make a choice to change. Change yourself or, if possible, change the circumstance. Even if you cannot change the circumstance you can change your attitude about it. The final step is to get over it. Let go of the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that keep you in a state of suffering and move on. If you do this, you will put yourself in a place to receive healing and recovery. The pain may still exist to one degree or another but the suffering no longer affects your viewpoint about life.

Experience it. Accept it. Get over it. This is a process and will take time so be patient with yourself. Believe that you can minimize your suffering and experience joy in life. Pain versus suffering…the choice truly is yours.