A month or so ago I was sharing my hurt with the Lord. I am still in a healing and recovery mode after losing something very dear to me and it was just time to cry again and express my hurt and pain and loneliness with tears.
As I prayed to the Lord while crying in His direction, I said, “Lord, You can heal me just like that!” and I snapped my fingers. I went on to the tell the Lord how I believe with all my heart that all He has to do is just make the decision to heal me and all my hurt and pain and loneliness and bitterness would be gone and I could put certain circumstances behind me once and for all and not be bothered by them anymore.
I firmly believe I was right. God could very easily heal me and take away all the pain in an instant. But what would also be taken away is an opportunity to continue to grow and learn how to become the woman God wants me to be. As much as I wish there was a better way to grow, I have come to believe that the greatest growth a person can experience comes in the difficult times in life.
The Bible offers many promises and words of comfort to those who are suffering. The Bible also tells us that good things can happen through our suffering. I have read words of promises and encouragement in the Bible many times in the years in which I have been a Christian but I did not receive them or apply them to me because I was too busy begging God to deliver me from the suffering. I thought that suffering was a bad thing and should be avoided and should not have a place in the Christian’s life. I see things differently now.
It is part of human life to experience pain and suffering. Sometimes the pain and suffering is the consequences of our own choices and behaviors. Sometimes it is the consequence of the choices and behaviors of others. Either way, we can take our pain, suffering, and ourselves to God and ask Him to lead us and guide us through the healing process. As we let God lead us and guide us, we can learn so much about how to trust Him.
I continue to pray for God to lead me and guide me through the healing and forgiveness process. I no longer ask Him why He won’t heal me instantly. I just pray that I have my heart open to be patient with Him as I wait on Him to heal me in His time and in His way.
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hurt. Show all posts
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
It's Okay to Cry
I think I have finally learned how to cry. You might be thinking “What is there to learn about how to cry? You shed tears and you cry.” For me, crying wasn’t that simple.
The majority of my life has been spent with my emotions locked away. A variety of circumstances taught me how to turn off my emotions when I was a child and, as a result, I cried very little as a child, teenager, or adult. I have not been cold-hearted and emotionless. I have just not allowed myself to experience emotions in a normal, healthy manner.
Sixteen months ago my life was turned upside down and the end result was losing something I valued very much. I was placed in a situation that I had no control over and was betrayed with lies and broken promises. The extreme pain I felt as a result of this situation forced on the emotional switch I kept turned off for many, many years. As a result, many years of hurt and anger were released too quickly and I was unable to deal with my emotions appropriately. Through my circumstance, I learned how to experience emotions and identify them. I also learned how to let emotions express themselves and I have been on a journey to learn how to manage my emotions. I can honestly say with the testimony of my friends and those who know me that I am more mature now after my life was torn apart than what I was before. I believe that learning how to cry has contributed to my growth.
Prior to my life-changing event, I would cry on occasion. However, outside of crying in church I would cry only when stress forced the tears to fall. The tears were nothing but a stress release I could not control. I did not want to cry because I believed crying was useless. I did not cry willingly and hated it when I cried. I did not talk to anyone about the pain I carried inside me for the same reason I did not cry. I kept my pain inside and chose not to talk to people because I believed that talking was useless. Talking would not change the situation or the circumstances. As a result of this belief system, I kept everything inside, all my hurt and all my tears. I realize now my philosophy on crying and talking to others was faulty and did me nothing but harm.
I have learned this past sixteen months that crying can be therapeutic and healing . I found it is true that crying and talking about my pain does not change my situation or the circumstances. But that’s okay because I have learned that crying and talking about my pain changes me. When I cry these days, I cry in the direction of my Heavenly Father believing and experiencing that He comforts those who mourn and hurt. I have learned as I cry in the direction of my Heavenly Father that it is possible to cry as a result of deep pain yet have hope and peace at the same time.
My philosophy about crying these days is this: It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to express pain and hurt through tears. It’s okay to talk and let someone else in on your pain. And even though the circumstances may not change, you can change and rise above the circumstances that caused your pain.
Go ahead. Grab a box of Kleenex or a hankie and cry in God’s direction. Take time to mourn and weep and pour out your heart to Him. Ask God to teach you how to cry if you need to. Ask Him to comfort you while you express your hurt with tears. Ask Him to sit next to you while you cry. Trust your hurts and tears to a Heavenly Father Who loves you and will speak peace and comfort and healing to your wounded soul.
Bible References
Psalm 77:1: “I cry out to God without holding back…” (New Living Translation)
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…”
Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Matthew 5:4: “Blesssed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”
The majority of my life has been spent with my emotions locked away. A variety of circumstances taught me how to turn off my emotions when I was a child and, as a result, I cried very little as a child, teenager, or adult. I have not been cold-hearted and emotionless. I have just not allowed myself to experience emotions in a normal, healthy manner.
Sixteen months ago my life was turned upside down and the end result was losing something I valued very much. I was placed in a situation that I had no control over and was betrayed with lies and broken promises. The extreme pain I felt as a result of this situation forced on the emotional switch I kept turned off for many, many years. As a result, many years of hurt and anger were released too quickly and I was unable to deal with my emotions appropriately. Through my circumstance, I learned how to experience emotions and identify them. I also learned how to let emotions express themselves and I have been on a journey to learn how to manage my emotions. I can honestly say with the testimony of my friends and those who know me that I am more mature now after my life was torn apart than what I was before. I believe that learning how to cry has contributed to my growth.
Prior to my life-changing event, I would cry on occasion. However, outside of crying in church I would cry only when stress forced the tears to fall. The tears were nothing but a stress release I could not control. I did not want to cry because I believed crying was useless. I did not cry willingly and hated it when I cried. I did not talk to anyone about the pain I carried inside me for the same reason I did not cry. I kept my pain inside and chose not to talk to people because I believed that talking was useless. Talking would not change the situation or the circumstances. As a result of this belief system, I kept everything inside, all my hurt and all my tears. I realize now my philosophy on crying and talking to others was faulty and did me nothing but harm.
I have learned this past sixteen months that crying can be therapeutic and healing . I found it is true that crying and talking about my pain does not change my situation or the circumstances. But that’s okay because I have learned that crying and talking about my pain changes me. When I cry these days, I cry in the direction of my Heavenly Father believing and experiencing that He comforts those who mourn and hurt. I have learned as I cry in the direction of my Heavenly Father that it is possible to cry as a result of deep pain yet have hope and peace at the same time.
My philosophy about crying these days is this: It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to express pain and hurt through tears. It’s okay to talk and let someone else in on your pain. And even though the circumstances may not change, you can change and rise above the circumstances that caused your pain.
Go ahead. Grab a box of Kleenex or a hankie and cry in God’s direction. Take time to mourn and weep and pour out your heart to Him. Ask God to teach you how to cry if you need to. Ask Him to comfort you while you express your hurt with tears. Ask Him to sit next to you while you cry. Trust your hurts and tears to a Heavenly Father Who loves you and will speak peace and comfort and healing to your wounded soul.
Bible References
Psalm 77:1: “I cry out to God without holding back…” (New Living Translation)
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4: “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…”
Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Matthew 5:4: “Blesssed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Hurting and Lonely
I am hurting and lonely tonight. The silence in my house seems to echo off the walls. This silence enhances my sense of pain and loneliness.
I called a friend to talk about something that pertains to tomorrow and she sensed something was wrong. This friendship is only a few months old, but it is a God-created friendship and it feels as if we have been good friends for a very long time. Our friendship is mature enough that even after a few short months she sensed something in my voice and asked if I wanted to talk. I replied that there really wasn’t much to talk about. She knows my story and I would not be telling her anything new. I was tempted to resort to old habits and say “I am fine” and not talk about what is going on inside me. Instead of staying isolated, I chose to be honest and said, “I just hurt and I feel lonely.”
My friend offered words of encouragement and reminded me that I am doing the right things and “it won’t always be like this.” She said that what I am experiencing “is only for a season” and that I will not always be hurting or feeling lonely. I knew the words she spoke were true even though the truth feels like such a far away thing. As she spoke her words of encouragement, I remembered something she said in a conversation last week: “God’s timing is perfect.”
I do not know how long I will continue to hurt and feel lonely. Sometimes my emotional state seems like winter, it lasts longer than I want it to. Despite the fact that I do not know how long I will continue hurting, I truly know that God is at work in me healing my broken heart. I know that even when I feel incredibly lonely like I do tonight, I am not alone. God is with me. And even in the midst of the hurt and loneliness, I can sense God’s presence. I can sense His pleasure with me because of the choices I am making in my pain and loneliness to walk the road ahead that He has prepared for me. This road is not one that is filled with selfishness and pain-numbing activities (although I could take that road if I wanted to). God’s road for me is a road that is full of life and hope and integrity. It is a road full of peace and comfort. It is a road full of traveling companions like the one I talked to tonight. It is a road filled with good things that can come from God and God alone. It is a road that is reflective of God's speed limit for my healing. It is the only road I want to travel.
Scriptures for Comfort
Isaiah 43:1-3: “But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you…he who formed you… “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God…””
Jeremiah 31:13: “…I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.”
Psalm 23:1-3: “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters, he restores my soul, He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”
Psalm 28:6-7: “Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.”
Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
I called a friend to talk about something that pertains to tomorrow and she sensed something was wrong. This friendship is only a few months old, but it is a God-created friendship and it feels as if we have been good friends for a very long time. Our friendship is mature enough that even after a few short months she sensed something in my voice and asked if I wanted to talk. I replied that there really wasn’t much to talk about. She knows my story and I would not be telling her anything new. I was tempted to resort to old habits and say “I am fine” and not talk about what is going on inside me. Instead of staying isolated, I chose to be honest and said, “I just hurt and I feel lonely.”
My friend offered words of encouragement and reminded me that I am doing the right things and “it won’t always be like this.” She said that what I am experiencing “is only for a season” and that I will not always be hurting or feeling lonely. I knew the words she spoke were true even though the truth feels like such a far away thing. As she spoke her words of encouragement, I remembered something she said in a conversation last week: “God’s timing is perfect.”
I do not know how long I will continue to hurt and feel lonely. Sometimes my emotional state seems like winter, it lasts longer than I want it to. Despite the fact that I do not know how long I will continue hurting, I truly know that God is at work in me healing my broken heart. I know that even when I feel incredibly lonely like I do tonight, I am not alone. God is with me. And even in the midst of the hurt and loneliness, I can sense God’s presence. I can sense His pleasure with me because of the choices I am making in my pain and loneliness to walk the road ahead that He has prepared for me. This road is not one that is filled with selfishness and pain-numbing activities (although I could take that road if I wanted to). God’s road for me is a road that is full of life and hope and integrity. It is a road full of peace and comfort. It is a road full of traveling companions like the one I talked to tonight. It is a road filled with good things that can come from God and God alone. It is a road that is reflective of God's speed limit for my healing. It is the only road I want to travel.
Scriptures for Comfort
Isaiah 43:1-3: “But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you…he who formed you… “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God…””
Jeremiah 31:13: “…I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.”
Psalm 23:1-3: “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters, he restores my soul, He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”
Psalm 28:6-7: “Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.”
Psalm 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
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