For the last couple of weeks, a friend and I have been talking off and on about how life can be hard at Christmas even when we have great family and friends who love us. Christmas is a tender time for the human heart. The holiday season boasts of peace, joy and love, yet we hurt over losses, relationship challenges, lost or stagnant dreams, and missed goals. Emotions are stirred up and can crash into each other and we experience many things. The season of hope over the birth of Christ can feel more like an open season on our emotions than a season of hope.
Why is this? Why does the most hope-filled and joyful holiday of the year seem to trigger anything from a sense of melancholy to intense feelings of grief and loneliness? Could it be that the enemy of our soul might try to distract us from the true meaning of Christmas?
Jesus was born as the hope of the world. The Christmas holiday celebrates the birth of the Son of God Who chose to enter into human history by living as a man and dying for our sins. Being forgiven of our sins and escaping their penalty is a message of great hope. It is a message and a story that the devil will do everything he can to stop. Two thousand years have gone by, yet the story of a child born in a barn with angels announcing His birth is still told. I believe the devil knows he cannot stop the telling of the story so he uses other tactics like conflict, loneliness, and grief to distract us. He also uses depression and sickness among other things. The goal? To get us to doubt God’s love and goodness toward us so that we will not believe in the Son that was born to us, the One Who can save us and speak hope, peace, and love to our hearts.
I don’t know about you, but I experienced many painful emotions this holiday season. In spite of these emotions, I made sure I focused on the hope and love that only God can give. I refused to doubt God’s love and goodness toward me even in the midst of grief and loneliness. You know what happened? God provided comfort for me in many ways right in the middle of the grief and loneliness. God was so creative. He blessed me with the opportunity to have a new Christmas tree for a room in my house where I have wanted to put one for ten years, a father who put lights up on the outside of my house, a daughter and new son-in-law who filled my stocking when they came to visit on Christmas Day, and a friend who let me cry on her shoulder (literally!) when I was hurting too much to keep it inside.
Christmas truly is the season of love and hope. And if the season triggered despair, discouragement, depression, grief, loneliness, or any other painful emotion for you, hold on tightly to hope anyway and trust God’s love more than you ever have before.
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grief. Show all posts
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Pain versus Suffering
Some friends and I were mutually encouraging each other this week. We are struggling with being full-time students and bemoaning the woes of reading textbooks, conducting online research, creating PowerPoint presentations, and writing papers. All of these friends are also a spouse, a parent, an employee, and serve in ministry at their church or in some other volunteer capacity in their communities. As we encouraged each other I thought of an idea I read in a book years ago.
The idea presented by the author was one of pain versus suffering. Pain is a fact of life. Regardless of how hard we try we cannot avoid the pain that is a part of life. Life just hurts sometimes. But suffering is something different. Suffering is what happens when we try to wrestle life to the ground and make it behave on our own terms. Suffering occurs when we do not let go of a pain and move on. I’ve been challenged today to look at areas in which I think I might be suffering and determine whether or not I am trying to make life behave on my terms.
What about you? Is what you are experiencing pain? Or is it suffering? Are you giving certain feelings and emotions power over you to such a degree that they keep you in a continual state of suffering? Maybe you are like my friends and I who are so frustrated with doing homework as we work on our college degrees that the thought of writing one more paper is enough to push us over the edge. Maybe you are a stay-at-home mom or dad and the thought of changing one more diaper, cleaning up one more spill, or dealing with the chaos makes you want to scream. Maybe you are an empty nester and this season of life with adult children leaves you with a feeling of melancholy you cannot seem to shake. Or maybe you are in a work environment where expectations are unrealistic and mercy is non-existent. You go home every night so stressed out and exhausted you do not have any energy to give to the rest of life. Maybe you are just trying to survive the current economic crisis. Have you lost a loved one through death or a divorce and the grief feels like a wrecking ball has made a home in your heart even though the event occurred some time ago?
It is possible to take steps to minimize and even eliminate our suffering. The first step is to determine how much of our suffering is caused by trying to hold onto things we cannot control. Take the time to experience whatever is going on. Do not deny it or ignore it. Let your emotions have their say and do not fight back against something that cannot change. Recognize the situation for what it is. But don’t stay sitting in your emotions. Move onto the second step: accept it. To accept it means you no longer fight against the situation or you make a choice to change. Change yourself or, if possible, change the circumstance. Even if you cannot change the circumstance you can change your attitude about it. The final step is to get over it. Let go of the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that keep you in a state of suffering and move on. If you do this, you will put yourself in a place to receive healing and recovery. The pain may still exist to one degree or another but the suffering no longer affects your viewpoint about life.
Experience it. Accept it. Get over it. This is a process and will take time so be patient with yourself. Believe that you can minimize your suffering and experience joy in life. Pain versus suffering…the choice truly is yours.
The idea presented by the author was one of pain versus suffering. Pain is a fact of life. Regardless of how hard we try we cannot avoid the pain that is a part of life. Life just hurts sometimes. But suffering is something different. Suffering is what happens when we try to wrestle life to the ground and make it behave on our own terms. Suffering occurs when we do not let go of a pain and move on. I’ve been challenged today to look at areas in which I think I might be suffering and determine whether or not I am trying to make life behave on my terms.
What about you? Is what you are experiencing pain? Or is it suffering? Are you giving certain feelings and emotions power over you to such a degree that they keep you in a continual state of suffering? Maybe you are like my friends and I who are so frustrated with doing homework as we work on our college degrees that the thought of writing one more paper is enough to push us over the edge. Maybe you are a stay-at-home mom or dad and the thought of changing one more diaper, cleaning up one more spill, or dealing with the chaos makes you want to scream. Maybe you are an empty nester and this season of life with adult children leaves you with a feeling of melancholy you cannot seem to shake. Or maybe you are in a work environment where expectations are unrealistic and mercy is non-existent. You go home every night so stressed out and exhausted you do not have any energy to give to the rest of life. Maybe you are just trying to survive the current economic crisis. Have you lost a loved one through death or a divorce and the grief feels like a wrecking ball has made a home in your heart even though the event occurred some time ago?
It is possible to take steps to minimize and even eliminate our suffering. The first step is to determine how much of our suffering is caused by trying to hold onto things we cannot control. Take the time to experience whatever is going on. Do not deny it or ignore it. Let your emotions have their say and do not fight back against something that cannot change. Recognize the situation for what it is. But don’t stay sitting in your emotions. Move onto the second step: accept it. To accept it means you no longer fight against the situation or you make a choice to change. Change yourself or, if possible, change the circumstance. Even if you cannot change the circumstance you can change your attitude about it. The final step is to get over it. Let go of the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that keep you in a state of suffering and move on. If you do this, you will put yourself in a place to receive healing and recovery. The pain may still exist to one degree or another but the suffering no longer affects your viewpoint about life.
Experience it. Accept it. Get over it. This is a process and will take time so be patient with yourself. Believe that you can minimize your suffering and experience joy in life. Pain versus suffering…the choice truly is yours.
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