Today is my birthday. This time last year it was my birthday, too! :-) In my birthday post last year I wrote how for the first time in my life I was experiencing God’s pleasure with me. I am certainly not perfect, nor will I ever be perfect, but that does not matter because I discovered God has never asked me to be perfect. And being perfect has nothing to do with God loving me and being pleased with me.
This year I believe God asked me how I felt about my birthday. Interestingly enough, the first thought I had was about the story of Job found in the Bible. Job cursed the day he was born. He was going through some significant pain, physically, mentally, and emotionally and, in his pain, he cursed the day he was born. He had some extremely violent feelings about how he wished that day had never existed (see Job Chapter 3 in the Old Testament). On the heels of remembering Job’s feelings about the day he was born, I told the Lord that I am grateful for the day I was born. To be able to say this is an honest-to-goodness miracle. For years that turned into decades of my life, I wished I had never been born. I experienced significant pain that I could not let go of. That pain made me miserable every day of my life. While I never cursed the day of my birth like Job did, I lived daily with the feeling of hating that day. But God feels much differently about the days that each of us were born.
The Psalmist tells us a truth about himself that is true for all humans: God is our creator and we are fearfully and wonderfully made. God’s works are wonderful and the implication is that we are wonderful (Psalm 139:14). God told Jeremiah the prophet that God knew him even before Jeremiah had been concieved (Jeremiah 1:5).
God knows me and He knows you. He knew us even before we were conceived, even before our parents met and knew each other. God has known from the beginning that He would create us and we are no accidents. Regardless of the circumstances of your conception, God created you. He planned for and waited for your birth day. And God rejoices in the day you were born. He does not regret it.
I am grateful that God has healed me and set me free from the pain that consumed me for far too long. I no longer hate the day I was born and I no longer want to end my life. God, in His infinite love and mercy and grace, continues to teach me how to see myself the way He sees me. And I am learning to reject thoughts about myself that do not agree with God's thoughts about me. I praise God that He is much more merciful than I am.
Today is my birthday. And I praise God for the life He has given me.
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birthday. Show all posts
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
My Birthday: God's Pleasure
Today is my birthday and for the first birthday ever I am glad I am alive.
Early in life I acquired an extremely shame-based perspective. I hated everything about me and would regularly heap self-condemnation and self-hatred upon myself. I had suicidal thoughts from a very young age until God delivered me of them when I was in my early to mid-thirties. At that time, I was on my way to work one day thinking that it might be better off to be dead when my thoughts went in a different direction. My desire to die was the result of the incredible pain I was feeling and had carried with me most of my life. I was tired of hurting and thought the only solution to ending my pain was to die. Yet, here was the thought progression driving to work that morning: “If I am dead then my husband is a widower and my daughter no longer has a mother. If I am dead then my parents no longer have their firstborn daughter and my sister no longer has a sibling.” I then went on to think that my employer would no longer have an employee but quickly realized that as an employee I could be replaced! What I realized that morning was that if I were dead then my death would change the lives of those I love. For the first time in my life, I had the idea take hold that I might actually have some value.
Since that day I first thought I might be worth something, I can honestly say and gladly report that God has changed my attitude about myself and about living. The journey of the last decade or so has culminated in a birthday today where I actually said, “Thank You, Father God, for creating me and giving me life.”
Do I like everything about myself? No. Have I committed sins and done things I am ashamed of? Yes. Do I still experience pain? Yes. Have I arrived? Absolutely not. However, I have learned that these truths about myself do not need to make me hate myself. These truths do not make God hate me. I am a believer in Jesus and the Bible tells me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). God loves me and wants me to see me the way He sees me. God sees me as His dearly loved child.
God loves you and wants you to see yourself the way He sees you as His dearly loved creation. God sees you with His eyes of love. He loves you so much that He sent His Son Jesus to die for you so that you might be free from your sin (John 3:16) and your own dissatisfaction with who you are. God does not want to condemn you (John 3:17). God is the One Who created you and He loves you so much. Yes, your earthly parents started the process through conception but God watched over you as you were being formed in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-14). God’s own hands shaped and formed you (Job 10:8). God loves you because you are His creation. God took pleasure in you on your birth day and wants You to experience His love for you regardless of what you have done.
Today I have experienced God’s love. I know I am not perfect. I have committed my fair share of sins and mistakes but I have confessed them to my Creator and He has forgiven me. Despite my faults and sometimes willful disobedience to Him, He continues to love me with an everlasting love.
I am now going to go finish celebrating my birthday and my life by sitting next to a fire drinking Pepsi and eating Oreo cookies that a friend gave to me for my birthday. I will drink my Pepsi and eat my Oreos while I listen to a Point of Grace CD another friend gave me for my birthday. I will “Turn Up the Music” and live this life of mine that God has created for His good pleasure. And my pleasure, too.
Today is my birthday and I sense God’s pleasure with me.
Today is my birthday and I am glad I am alive.
Scriptures
Job 10:8: “Your hands shaped me and made me…”
Psalm 139:13-14: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.; your works are beautiful…”
John 3:16-17: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
Romans 8:1: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Music Reference
"How You Live (Turn Up the Music)" can be found on the Point of Grace CD titled "How You Live."
Early in life I acquired an extremely shame-based perspective. I hated everything about me and would regularly heap self-condemnation and self-hatred upon myself. I had suicidal thoughts from a very young age until God delivered me of them when I was in my early to mid-thirties. At that time, I was on my way to work one day thinking that it might be better off to be dead when my thoughts went in a different direction. My desire to die was the result of the incredible pain I was feeling and had carried with me most of my life. I was tired of hurting and thought the only solution to ending my pain was to die. Yet, here was the thought progression driving to work that morning: “If I am dead then my husband is a widower and my daughter no longer has a mother. If I am dead then my parents no longer have their firstborn daughter and my sister no longer has a sibling.” I then went on to think that my employer would no longer have an employee but quickly realized that as an employee I could be replaced! What I realized that morning was that if I were dead then my death would change the lives of those I love. For the first time in my life, I had the idea take hold that I might actually have some value.
Since that day I first thought I might be worth something, I can honestly say and gladly report that God has changed my attitude about myself and about living. The journey of the last decade or so has culminated in a birthday today where I actually said, “Thank You, Father God, for creating me and giving me life.”
Do I like everything about myself? No. Have I committed sins and done things I am ashamed of? Yes. Do I still experience pain? Yes. Have I arrived? Absolutely not. However, I have learned that these truths about myself do not need to make me hate myself. These truths do not make God hate me. I am a believer in Jesus and the Bible tells me that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). God loves me and wants me to see me the way He sees me. God sees me as His dearly loved child.
God loves you and wants you to see yourself the way He sees you as His dearly loved creation. God sees you with His eyes of love. He loves you so much that He sent His Son Jesus to die for you so that you might be free from your sin (John 3:16) and your own dissatisfaction with who you are. God does not want to condemn you (John 3:17). God is the One Who created you and He loves you so much. Yes, your earthly parents started the process through conception but God watched over you as you were being formed in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-14). God’s own hands shaped and formed you (Job 10:8). God loves you because you are His creation. God took pleasure in you on your birth day and wants You to experience His love for you regardless of what you have done.
Today I have experienced God’s love. I know I am not perfect. I have committed my fair share of sins and mistakes but I have confessed them to my Creator and He has forgiven me. Despite my faults and sometimes willful disobedience to Him, He continues to love me with an everlasting love.
I am now going to go finish celebrating my birthday and my life by sitting next to a fire drinking Pepsi and eating Oreo cookies that a friend gave to me for my birthday. I will drink my Pepsi and eat my Oreos while I listen to a Point of Grace CD another friend gave me for my birthday. I will “Turn Up the Music” and live this life of mine that God has created for His good pleasure. And my pleasure, too.
Today is my birthday and I sense God’s pleasure with me.
Today is my birthday and I am glad I am alive.
Scriptures
Job 10:8: “Your hands shaped me and made me…”
Psalm 139:13-14: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.; your works are beautiful…”
John 3:16-17: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
Romans 8:1: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Music Reference
"How You Live (Turn Up the Music)" can be found on the Point of Grace CD titled "How You Live."
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